It's been a long time

Ok, so it's been way too long since I last blogged. I'm sorry, I have slacked off and no I have not done anything to change my situation. But I just got the motivation I needed last night. I so miss my girls, I didn't realize just how great of a support system they truly are (Thanks Deidre! You're one of my #1 girls!) But thank God for phone and email! So we are going to plan a Girls trip for next year and not only do I need to plan to get my financial diet up to par, but I need my weight to be under control. Can you say CABO SAN LUCAS? I'm not sure that's where we are even going yet, but it's motivation enough. I can't be in a hot tub/pool looking like this! LOL. So, I know my diet needs help...it's extremely hard because of my schedule. If I can ever get back home to where the darn traffic is not like this craziness! But since I am here right now, I have to find a way to deal with it better than I have. So, must work in some exercise in there. Say it with me, CABO! LOL.

updates

Ok, it's been way too long since I last posted. This past week was not good. I did get to weigh in at weight watchers and was very disappointed to find that I did not loose anything. Not only did I NOT loose anything, I gained 1.7 lbs. How in the heck do you do that on your first week? The last two times I did WW, I always lost weight. Am I not serious enough about this? I have so many other things going on in my life that just seem wrong right now. I feel that I have failed at so many other things and the one thing that I do have control over, I'm failing in that now. The only thing I an say that I am happy about is that my hair is still holding up pretty good. It's been over a week since my press and curl and my hair hasn't reverted back as badly as I thought it would. It may be that way since I only had about an inch and a half of new growth. But I am ready for my hair in the back to grow back out more so that I can do flexi-rods I think I could probably do the small ones though. I really have to introduce exercise in now, because not doing anything is not working. I HAVE to loose this weight. I get my hair done next saturday and I think I will go ahead and ask her about me washing my hair in between visits. I need protective styles in order to keep it from looking like mush when I start working out. Life has to turn around soon guys!

Week 1 of WW

Week 1 of ww started out so promising. It only ended up in shambles and I blew the first week of my lifestyle change already. What happened? What didn't happen, lol. Let's see...ok, I didn't plan well for last Thursday night. That's where it all fell apart. I had to do something after work and didn't finish until 9pm. So I was hungry and needed to get home to the dog and was an hour away. Low and behold, what did I see as I was leaving the parking lot? BOJANGLES...evil on crack, lol. What did I do? Pulled in the drive thru and ordered my chicken supreme dinner combo with french fries and Iced tea. Was it worth it and was it good? NO. Bojangles in MD suck! It was nothing like back home. WTF? So I had my 35 weekly points and then some. And did I make up for it this weekend? Nope. I brought a box of chocolate dipped granola bars and ate the whole box by Sunday (This was on Friday btw). Saturday..I walked 3 miles but did not eat breakfast before (had a granola bar which I shared with Sasha because she walked with me and was very hungry as well before the walk) and I had water at the walk. So I was starving after wards and craving salt and a coke (hmm, wonder why, lol). So where did I go once I got home? McDonald's of course. Then that night I had this big old juicy and fat burger with fatty fries and yesterday I had Indian food. And ice cream...twice! UGH! I have just destroyed all prospects of having a better weigh in this week. Did I do better today? NO..had a twix....gotta get it together...so there...I'm being held accountable, so if I've gained or not lost at all this week, it's my fault.

Moment of Truth

October 1st...last night was an awful night, but a good night. I finally made it to a ww's meeting. Which is what I needed and I'm glad I made myself go. It was the next closest location to my apartment. Mind you, I signed up last week, last Wednesday to be exact. The last time I stepped on a scale I weight about 230 lbs. (How horrific and yet freeing it is to put my actual weight for everyone to see) So that is the weight I put down to start. I figure, I can't be too far off from that right? Wrong. When I got to my seat and looked at the number in the back of my pocket guide, the truth hit me in the face like I was in the ring with Rocky. 246.6 lbs. I'm 4 pounds away from where I started when I first joined ww's in 2005. I was horrified, devastated and beside myself. That's the reason I can't fit in to the majority of my clothes. That's why my 18's are getting snug and my 16's I can't even get into anymore. OMG, I'm almost back to a size 20. I almost stared to cry right there in the meeting with the majority of the people looking "normal size". At first I had the thought, what are all these skinny people doing in here? What do you have to loose like 10 lbs? Then as if God was sitting right next to me, I rebuked myself.

I can't pass judgment on anyone sitting in here, just because they look "normal". Some of them could be lifetime members for all I know, and some may need to loose that last 20 lbs and have just as much right to be here as I do. After repenting silently in my head, I paid attention to the session as it started. It was pretty good. Distinguishing physical hunger from emotional hunger and why we do it and how to stop emotional eating. I'm guilty of it. My dog must think it's normal for someone to eat all day, and all the time, lol.

So now I'm being held accountable. I weigh 246.6 lbs at 5ft 6'inches tall, and I'm miserable. I don't love my fat rolls, I don't love being out of breath for normal activities, I don't love eating because I'm bored, sad, mad, frustrated, etc. I don't love that I've put myself back at higher risk to develop all those diseases and disorders that run so rampantly in my genetic makeup. I was just able to stop shopping at Lane Bryant, and here I am again. But I'm taking the necessary steps and making changes.

Now on to changing up my schedule so that I can add activity in the mornings and I reduce my stress of worrying if I'm going to make it in to work on time or not because I've been sitting in traffic for so long. There is nothing I can do about the traffic. Onto health and wellness now, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I'll find out how to upload pictures so that I can track my progress visually.