Mind games

September 20, 2009

So I have not blogged in the last couple of days. I was exhausted on Friday and ended up going to bed at 9. Saturday I went to a comedy show and took the metro for my first time into DC! Exciting! The show was great. Not a Greg Giraldo fan though. One of the openers was very funny!

So on to the thoughts swirling around in my head. I still feel so fat and disgusting at times. I really have to get ahead of this once and for all. My whole life depends on this. Not about just being healthy, but it's like if I can take control of this part of my life, some other areas of my life will quickly follow behind.

I am trying to decide on whether or not to join weight watchers or curves. I've seen the new curves commercials. I did weight watchers twice before and lost weight both times. I do believe that I can get a discount through my health insurance at work. I just know I need to do something, because I went clothes shopping this weekend (attempted clothes shopping) and found nothing. I am so sick of not being able to buy the clothes I want. Maybe God knew what he was doing by making me big, because if I was a normal girl's size, I'd be wearing all kinds of scandalous stuff. It's just hard to find the beauty within some days when the world around you keeps telling you who you should be or how you should look. But I'm not loosing weight for the world, I'm loosing weight for myself because I don't like having two stomachs, sausage rolls on my back, having my knees hurting while doing simple tasks like walking up and down stairs, being out of breath trying to keep up with smaller people who can walk faster than I can, worrying if I can fit in certain seats, wearing the same clothes over and over week after week, etc.

I am going to conquer this once and for all, and my life is going to change for the better. I will learn how to cope better with all of life's past and current disappointments, by first acknowledge that it happened (or didn't) and it sucks and it's time to move on from it. Thus, the title of this blog, lol. I think I need to go back to counseling after all. Well, I will call it a night. I have to finish my grocery shopping tomorrow with milk and some fruit. I went to Bj's and got some healthier snacks than what I'm used to. Let's hope I don't mess this up!