It's never too late...at least not right now

September 15, 2009---Recognizing there is a problem.

OK, so I am finally doing this. I have talked about blogging for at least 4 years now and never gotten around to it. I was afraid I guess. Who want's to read about the thoughts or things that go on in my boring life? I came to the conclusion that one, it's for my own benefit. It is to help me heal and move on. If it helps one person along the way, then that is great, but I'm doing this for me.

I'm fat. Obese. Overweight. Chunky. Chubby. Big boned. Thick. Heavyset. Whatever you call it, I have been chubby (I prefer) all of my life. Well, most of my life, from about the age of 5 and up. I have always been different from everyone else. I have been laughed at, teased, beat up on, taunted and abused by people my whole life in some form or fashion. This one thing has caused me so much pain in my life, that I developed an unhealthy relationship with myself: I hated being in my own skin. In 9th grade I ate once a day and went from a size 22 to a 14 by 10th grade. It was very unhealthy and I eventually gained it all back by the time I graduated High School and went to college.

I'll never forget the day in middle school when we got our yearbooks. I had handed a friend of mine my yearbook to sign and to hand it off to some of our other classmates. When I got my yearbook back, someone had written "Fat ass pig" over my picture. Another reason not to trust people.

In college, my weight continually changed. I would gain weight, then loose. I still hated myself and my college experience was terrible. Those were some of the worse years of my life. By the time I graduated, I had ballooned to 250 lbs. I remember looking at pictures at graduation and sitting in the middle of my floor and crying. I was huge, I looked like a freaking beached whale. How could anyone love or want to be around something that looked like that?

From 2005 up to about 6 months ago, I lost almost 50 lbs and was able to keep that off...but I'm not satisfied. I really want to loose the rest of the weight. Not to mention the fact that since moving to a new place I have gained 15 lbs. I'm devastated about that. Inspired by some really great friends, I have decided to follow them on the journey to change. Today, September 15, 2009, I commit to myself. I commit to taking better care of myself, loving myself at every moment, surrounding myself by positive and supportive people, and becoming a better friend, daughter, sister, steward, and overall a better me.

So I will join my friend Deidre in setting the following goals:

1. loose 20 lbs by December 31, 2009
2. work out at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes...increase as I build stamina
3. change my diet and journal what I eat...this way I will start to pay more attention to what I am putting in my mouth.

Ok, so there it is. I have recognized that there is a problem and acknowledged. Now to move on to putting in action, and being ACCOUNTABLE.